Union Day will be a time of grim-faced reflection. Of celebrating the strength of the precious Union but doing so with stony dignity, without anyone making spectacles of themselves.
“Are you sure they’re different?” asked the Downing Street press officer when I called seeking clarification. Yes, I said. A knee is clearly different from a thigh. So which allegation is being denied?
Why wasn’t Boris Johnson in the Commons himself, responding to urgent questions about his use of language in parliament? Because a little-known MP with a big dream was ready to step into the limelight. To go from understudy to matinee idol overnight.
Buckingham Palace has made no official comment on his latest protocol-breaching pronouncements, but the unofficial response is clear: we are not amused. In fact we are absolutely raging.
Many people are saying – I’m not saying this, but many people are – that we don’t need a General Election at all, because it’s clear the current Prime Minister knows best and cares passionately about Great Britain and all the people in it. By expelling some MPs, and driving others to resign, he has shown he is willing to put people before party, pride before pragmatism.
New research by cancer charity The Eve Appeal has found people aren’t talking about vulvas nearly enough. Specifically, only 1% of parents frequently use that word when talking about female body parts in front of their daughters
MPs might be locked out of the House of Commons, but their frowns will soon be turned upside down by access-all-areas passes for the WWE showdown coming to Holyrood.
It might appear from tabloid coverage that there’s a clear line between “respectable” families and those in which children are abused – and that limited resources should be targeted accordingly – but we know this simply isn’t the case.
What is it that makes a clown sexy, anyway? Is it the content of her show, the tone and intent, or the square inches of skin that are bared during the course of it? When a male critic for a left-wing newspaper refers to the debut show of LA-based comedian Courtney Pauroso, developed along with the male artist Dr Brown, as “another strikingly in-yer-face show from Dr Brown’s sexy-clown stable,” what exactly is he trying to say?
Ask not how you can survive this manic month of almost infinite possibilities, but how you can make the most of the incredible opportunity it presents.