HERE’S a rustle in the grass. A brief flash of straw-coloured mane.
A gust of wind, and a faint cry from further ahead, at the edge of the cliffs.
“Baa! Baa! Baaaaaa!”
The beast slowly rises from its hiding place, then starts lightly trotting towards its unsuspecting prey. Focus your binoculars and you should be able to make out the distinctive pattern just below its rump, resembling the outline of a stag’s antlers.
The creature has adapted to its environment by covering its flesh in custom-printed 88% performance polyester, 12% spandex.
A predator quite like this one is rare in Scotland. While there are other species native to the UK that kill for sport rather than for food, this one can be easily distinguished from them by its black-rimmed eyes, small brain and inexplicably popular Instagram account.
Read the rest of this column at thenational.scot…
Published in The National on October 26 2018.